Thursday, January 28, 2016

I am the Ocean Metaphor Poem Draft


My moods are the waves,
Always coming and going
My confidence is the tides,
Rising, then falling
Most of me is undiscovered,
Yet people are quick to judge

I am the ocean
Simple on the outside,
But filled with many mysteries beneath the surface
I crash and I break,
But then I rise stronger than before,
Like a wave battering against the shoreline

I am the ocean,
Very unpredictable
I could be peaceful for a moment,
Then stormy the next second
When disrupted, I could just flow over you
As if you were never there

I am the ocean
Sometimes shallow, and sometimes abysmal
Only few have the courage to plunge in deep
And learn all about me
I am the ocean,
Limitless, Tranquil, Everchanging



2 comments:

  1. Very good vocabulary. You did good elaborating every point you were making. Also, it was very deep. Overall good essay.

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  2. At first, I thought that the ocean would be a really cliche thing to make a metaphor on with oneself (since I assume a lot of people have already used it), but you did describe a majority of what the ocean is in relation to you.

    For example, though many regard the ocean as peaceful or stormy, you talked about the shape of the waves, and how they move up and down. This is at least some form of variation.

    The metaphor was introduced and repeated throughout the last three stanzas. It seemed quick in the way that I read it, but at least you didn't introduce it straight up like how I did with my poem.

    Other than that, I don't have anything else to say. Poems are pretty difficult to critique because a large part of it is up to the interpretation of the reader and what the author wants the reader to interpret. For me with your poem, it's quite easy to understand since it is very direct.

    In general: The metaphor is pretty basic and will thus make everything easy to understand. So I would probably recommend making it a little more...complex? I'm not really sure how to phrase it. But yeah. Simple, neat poem.

    -C

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