The warm sun shines down on my face as I look at the acres of green grass surrounding me. This was my special place. A place where I can do what I love doing the most and play the sport that I've always loved. Soccer has been my passion ever since I was a little girl. The feeling that I get when I hear the ball hit the back of the net is indescribable. The butterflies that I get before every single game is a mixture of nerves and excitement. I've played hundreds of games, and yet my passion and dedication towards soccer has never changed. The soccer field is the one place I go to to relieve my stress and anxiety, and to forget about my problems.
The main reason why I consider the soccer fields as my special place is because I can just be myself and not worry about what others think of me. Girls spit on the ground and swear at each other, but remain friends after the game. What happens on the field stays on the field. Nobody remembers how bad you played in a game, or the penalty kick that you missed, or the shot that you didn't take. It's a place that is free of worries, a place that I look forward to every time I come. Never have I ever showed up at a soccer field and said, "I don't want to be here." This special place is where I escape reality and enjoy life without the stress of school, homework, and dramas.
The soccer fields mean a lot to me, because I practically grew up there. Whether I had a game or practice, I made sure I was there at least three times a week. Sometimes, I would go there on my free time, just to practice and get better. For some reason, just having a soccer ball at my feet is significant to me.
I step onto the field knowing that my parents will be proud of me no matter what. They taught me almost everything I know about soccer, and coached me growing up. They helped me to develop my footwork skills, and shaped me into the player that I am today. I know never to be cocky, to be respectful of all my coaches, even if I don't agree with what they are saying, and to be a team player. My mom and dad took the time to coach me, and spend their free time after work at the soccer fields. This makes the fields extra special, because it's a reminder to always be thankful of my parents. It reminds me of the long hours that they would spend watching our games and tournaments, and the times spent at the fields together as a family.
Everyone has a special place that they rely on when they are feeling stressed out or nervous. The soccer fields is not only the place that I go to relax, but to have fun! So many memories have been made at these fields, such as caking our teammates on their birthday, or having to use umbrellas to cover the stall when we use the bathroom (no doors)! The soccer fields is, and will always be my Querencia, my special place.
In general:
ReplyDeleteI found your essay to be quite detailed and it shows that you put a lot of work into the making of the essay; making sure that the reader understands your Querencia. However, I do believe that such work should be put into a more visual sense.
The purpose of writing this essay is to inform the reader of your Querencia; to give them a detailed sense of what it means to you as well as put together words well enough to the point where the reader has a good image of what you're talking about.
I think that you're strong in both areas, though, improvement is certainly possible in the latter. You spent a large portion of the essay detailing how you feel about the field. There's also a short story regarding your parents and how it too enhances the effect that this field has on you. This is great, but I just feel that the balance between what it means to you and what the place is like can be improved just slightly.
Other than that, this essay is great at informing the reader of your Querencia. I can hear your voice come through as your words sound genuine--true. Just work a little bit on what I said in the above paragraph.
Your essay is very well detailed in the sense that the soccer field is special to you and the memories you had there. But I would say to describe more about why the memories affect you and how. You say that you can be yourself on the field but after that you describe how you play on the field, I would say to elaborate more on why you can be yourself and how you be yourself on the field: which would really help the reader visualize how you feel. You sentence fluency is very good. I could also tell that this place is special to you because you spend so much time there. I would also explain if there are any people there that make it special, in addition to your parents. Overall, good job!
ReplyDeleteYOU NEED TO REMEMBER THAT WHEN I SAY SENSORY DETAIL OR IMAGERY I AM ASKING YOU TO PAINT US A PICTURE USING WORDS AND NOT JUST TELL US ABOUT IT. YOU NEED TO CREATE MORE OF A STORY AND THEN REFLECT ON WHY THIS PLACE IS SO SPECIAL LIKE YOU DID IN YOUR ESSAY. ALSO ADD WHY THIS PLACE IS SO SPECIAL COMPARED TO EVERYWHERE ELSE. AS(2)
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